"I
think there's so much I have got to be thankful to God for in
that we weren't away. Weweren't on the other side of the world.
We had such love and I have nothing to be regretful of. I have
nothing to be guilty of. I loved her. She loved me. We were together.
I spent so much time with her, and with Dad doing so much .
.
so for that I'm thankful to God that I didn't have any extra stuff,
and that I got to spend the last while with her. And that also
she was spared further struggle. I'm not angry. I'm just upset,
really. Not anger."
She
knows she'll see her mum again one day. She'll open her eyes one
morning and there Jean will be at the bottom of the valley, right
before her eyes, hidden amid the golden trees
a deluge
of glittering rays falling upon her, defining every angle of her
face. And together they'll watch the sunlight flash along the
distant grasslands. And round the corner is Eden.
"Some
day we'll be together again and it will only be an instant until
I see her again," she muses, "and she still is with
me. I don't believe she's gone. I believe in another world and
I believe it's just a different thing and it isn't physical and
it's all goodness and love and happiness and warmth. Sometimes
I have dreams that have indicated even further than my own belief:
that that does exist."
She's
with you now. Not just in dreams?
"I
think she's with me now," she smiles. I think she's
constantly with me. There are blessings bestowed on you and you
don't know why but it is your loved one looking after you. And
I feel that. I feel now, instead of when she was alive when I
had her physically - when I could ring her up and be with her
and smell her and touch her - but now she doesn't leave me for
a second and I don't leave her for a second. I walk around with
her with her arms around me. And even though life will upset you
and things will happen, I have got that extra help. I would prefer
her to be alive, obviously, but that's the way it is now."
You
don't have to be a Zen Buddhist to understand that death is an
inevitable part of life. People pass on. We lose people. The beautiful
pop star now understands this more than most. As such, her words
here contain the ring of honest mourning, of acceptance. She realises
that you can't suppress something as powerful as the grief of
losing a mother; and expect it not to have some kind of effect
on you. So Andrea Corr has embraced Jean's death. In the final
analysis, Jean Corr's death has given her famous daughter a better
perspective on living.
"I
thought life was wonderful before," she says, "now I
think it's really wonderful. I know that sounds ironic. Most people
say, `You should think it's crap now, surely?' But no. I just
thought, `It's so beautiful.' We're all walking around so in need
of each other and so lonely in our own bodies yet so joined of
people that are here now. I have this broader picture and it's
fuller."
"I
always had a lust for life, and now I don't want to miss a thing."
Andrea smiles. "I just want to feel it as much as I can and
move on. I have no fear of death myself. I don't really want to
go through what she went through but I think there's a reason
that she had to
go
through it and I surely couldn't cop out if she did it. I don't
like that hospital scene
even though everybody's so lovely
but having things in and out when you're just going to
die. It has to have been for some reason and I don't know that
yet. I am a lot more frightened of losing other people."
Unencumbered
by any form of cynicism, Andrea seems to live entirely on instinct
- on feeling. She is almost immediately trusting and giving. She
doesn't see the point - least of all now after her mother's gone
- in wearing a mask, in putting up protective barriers against
the world. Most of all, Andrea has that rare spark within her
that Carl Jun defined in his Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious
as 'soul': "soul is a life-giving demon who plays his elfin
game above and below existence."
"I
don't care whether people think I'm spacey or whatever,"
she says, " or what they write about me. I just want to have
truth in my life. I'm not scared of death. So why should I be
scared of what anyone thinks of me?"
The
Dundalk anti-diva has other reasons to be philosophical about
human existence. Andrea Corr nearly died a few months after her
birth. She was a very sick baby. She contracted a kidney infection
and from there picked up gastronuntarightis. She was unable to
keep any food down. "You vomit and vomit," she smiles.
"They thought I was going to die. I nearly died. I was shifted
around all the different hospitals. So for that reason I got an
awful lot of love because I was brought back from the dead literally."
Because
of the illness, she doesn't remember much about her very early
childhood. She can remember her slightly older sister Caroline
"we were kind of brought up as twins - looking after
her despite this new arrival usurping all her attention. "Mummy
reckoned it was kind of harder on her because she was taken off
the knee pretty quickly, but Caroline actually mothered me,"
says Andrea.
"I
was baby and she looked after me. She had such a different personality.
She used to cry when I did things wrong. If I was late for school,
Caroline would cry, and I would laugh. Caroline cried all the
time. So it would hurt her if I was messing up."
Twenty-four
years ago now, Andrea can remember being brought to school for
the first time by her mother. She can remember the moment Jean
let go of her hand and she was without her mother for the first
day of her life. "I was screaming crying and she had to leave
me. I felt lost and then eventually becoming intrigued with the
straws and the mawla and the different things to play with it."
Was
the sense of loss that day when you were four - the sense of being
utterly alone in the world - similar to the sense of loss you
would have felt last November 25 when Jean died?